Based on the song "Novacane" by Frank Ocean
“1 ticket to see Jigga, please”, I said to the man at the ticket stand. I handed him a 20 dollar bill and he looked down at it and rolled his eyes. “God damn teenagers and their loud music”, he mumbled underneath his breath as he slid the ticket back to me. I rolled my eyes and made my way down to the lawn, looking around for a spot to sit and enjoy the concert. It was hot out, about 94°. I had on some old thrifted Levi’s on with a regular Green Day shirt. They were one of my favorite bands at the time. I sat down on the lawn; it was ice cold which was expected since it had rained the night before. Ugh. The night before. I looked at the empty patch of grass beside me and thought of Marissa. We had just broken up because she had felt she lost all love for me. I hadn’t. I still loved her and relied heavily on her love for me. We had been together for a while now, and she had become my everything within that time. We were supposed to go to this concert together, but she refused. I was devastated, I felt like no one would be able to replace that emptiness she had left in my heart. “20 MORE MINUTES UNTIL THE CONCERT BEGINS”, roared the announcer over the PA system. The sky was starting to turn dark and sad, just like my heart.
I sighed, shaking my head in an attempt to erase her from my mind. I looked at the people around me; stoners looking around, paranoid that they’ll get caught, wannabe Instagram influencers taking selfies and recording everything around them, and then, I saw Her. Everyone had seen her, she was hard to miss. Long purple hair, braided with big bubble ponytail holders that you usually see kids with. She had on a brown tube top with a fairy-style skirt that had many earth tones on it. Around her neck she had an amethyst ankh and an evil eye necklace, her wrists were full of bracelets with a variety of crystals, and her fingers filled with rings - some even had two on one finger, bringing out the purple of her long acrylic nails. She had a big book bag that looked like a mushroom. While I admit it looked a bit childish, she made it look beautiful. She was beautiful. No. Not beautiful. Ethereal. Her body was perfect, goddess-like even. She looked around, probably finding where to sit, and as we made eye-contact, she smiled at me and walked in my direction. I looked behind me, assuming her friends were behind me. I looked back and she was already sitting down next to me, filling up the empty space beside me. She smelled like incense and sage. “Violet'', she exclaimed, putting her hand out to shake mine. I shook her hand cautiously and replied, “Frank”. She smiled victoriously and pulled out an ice blue bong. She set it up and took a long pull before offering it to me. I’ve smoked before so I accepted. “Wow”, she laughed, “I didn’t think you were the type”. I smiled a little and took a pull, inhaling deeply and begging myself not to make a fool. I exhaled the smoke and immediately felt at ease. Suddenly, thunder clapped in the sky and it started to pour. “Shit”, Violet mumbled looking up at the sky. She looked at me and asked, “Wanna grab some food and go over to my place? We can keep smoking and finish riding out the high''. I agreed, offering to drive as I wasn’t that high yet. She smiled brightly, the rain coming down harder making her bangs stick to her forehead. Her smile had resembled that of the Chesire cat from Alice in Wonderland.
We got up and ran to the car. The rain was accompanied by lightning and it was coming down quickly. I drove us to the McDonald’s that was nearby. She ordered a Happy Meal; 6 piece nuggets, fries and a Sprite. I ordered a cheeseburger and fries, also settling for a Sprite. I paid, of course, you would too if you wanted to impress a girl that everyone wanted.
We set out to drive to her house, during which I saw Violet had sneaked in a couple of fries from the bag, chewing them with that smile of hers. She was blasting Z-Trip on the radio. She said that that’s who she had gone to see at the concert, before the rain had shit on our plans that is. The rain was coming down harder at this point. It overpowered the music that was playing, and while the music was good, something about hearing the rain while I was driving had soothed me. It made me feel at home. I constantly found myself looking over at Violet, admiring her in all her eccentric beauty. Marissa hated hip-hop, and had always preferred to listen to whatever was trending, ESPECIALLY if it was Beyoncé. Oh how much I had hated Beyoncé. Constantly hearing it, over and over and over again, had created such resentment in me towards her music. It was tolerable, but repetitive. I had only indulged in it because I had loved her. I adored Marissa. She had filled in the void that my mother had created when she had walked out on me and my father when I was only 6. She took care of me and had such a nurturing tendency about her. Of course, sometimes she could go overboard and be TOO caring. She wouldn’t let me drink or smoke, claiming it was bad for my health and that I shouldn’t depend on that kind of stuff to bring me temporary happiness. Little did we both know, that it was her that would bring me temporary happiness that I’d eventually depend on.
As we pulled into her house, I noticed how small it was. It looked no bigger than a one bedroom. We walked in and the warmth of the house embraced me immediately. She turned and smiled at me. “Welcome to my home!”, she exclaimed proudly. It was bigger than I had imagined. The kitchen had marble flooring and there were plants everywhere. She was really down to earth. There were posters of old hip-hop groups like Bone Thugs-n-Harmony and Playa Fly all around her living room. The TV was a 75 inch flatscreen and it had a sound system under it, along with the LED lights that changed color with whatever was playing on the TV. Wow. She had money. It made me feel a little embarrassed, knowing that I had sufficient money but not as much as she seemed to have. She handed me a towel and asked me if I had wanted something to warm me up. I declined, lifting up the bag of McDonalds’ that was slowly getting colder by the second. She laughed and grabbed herself a towel and sat on the rug in the living room, patting the spot next to her so I could sit with her. She put on an R&B playlist while I sat down and put the bag in between us. She grabbed the bong out of her bag and set it up. “Let’s smoke first”, she said. I nodded, grabbing the bong out of her hands and taking three long pulls back to back. She clapped and laughed. “Good one”, she laughed. She grabbed the bong back from me and took a couple of pulls herself.
After we ate, we just sat in the living room on the floor getting to know each other. She began to tell me how she wanted to be a dentist and was currently in school studying to do so, but that she didn’t receive any financial support from her parents. “How do you manage to pay for it all?”, I asked. She blushed and looked away. “Films.”, she said. “Adult films''. I was shocked at first, but I realized she was embarrassed by it so I quickly told her that a job is a job in a weak attempt to make her feel more comfortable. Out of nowhere, the high began to rush to my head and I was in a mental state that I couldn’t even explain. I’ve never gotten this high before. It was such a euphoric feeling. Like I was on cloud 9, floating above the clouds. It felt so beautiful. She looked at me and just said, “Enjoy the high.” I looked at her, in those big, beady brown eyes of hers. The sexual tension in the room was so strong. She wanted me as much as I did her. She continued to tell me about her past, breaking eye contact, all flustered. She spoke on how her parents never cared about her, they just wanted her to follow in their footsteps of being a lawyer. She knew from a young age that they would never really indulge in the career choice she wanted. This led to her leaving her parents house to pursue her dreams, which eventually ended up in them saying they would no longer support financially, resulting in her choosing to get a job that paid a lot and fast. At this point, I couldn’t feel my face. The high was kicking in and fast. “What did we smoke?”, I asked her. “Just enjoy the high”, she responded. “I need to know.” I demanded. She got closer to my face and caressing it she responded in a soft whisper, “Novocaine”. My eyes widened in shock and she leaned in and kissed me.
I don’t remember in good detail what happened next. I just know that that night, the way our bodies entwined with one another, as if the sex had been blessed by the Universe itself; the body of a God and Goddess coming together and being one, I would never receive that again. I would never experience that again.
I never saw Violet after that day. I had taken down her number of course, and we exchanged a few texts after that day at her place, but she slowly stopped responding to my messages. She told me that she wasn’t ready to trust another man with her heart. So how I gave up my broken one to her so fast was pure astonishing. I miss her from time to time. I somehow find myself looking for her every once in a while. She became my new high in such little time - an addictive drug. I began to get high before having one night stands with women I’d meet randomly, hoping that somehow, if possible, I’d be making love to her through them. She really was a Cheshire cat, that Violet.
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