Based off of the song "Kill Bill" by SZA
Recommended to listen to song while reading for better experience!
“It’s over, *(BLEEP)* .”
The smile left my face as soon as I heard those words. What did he mean by, ‘it’s over’? He was leaving me. How could he? After everything I gave him; all my time, all my love. Everything I had, and he was leaving me. I couldn’t believe it. If I can’t have him-
“*(BLEEP)*?”, he asked, bending down a bit to get a closer look at my face, seemingly concerned.
“-No one will.” I looked up at him and smiled. It’s fine. It was going to be fine. I don’t need him. I’ll be happier without him. “What do you mean, ‘no one will’?” His concern was growing now. I looked down at the floor and slowly looked back up to his face, analyzing him. God. He was perfect. He was wearing a pastel yellow crew neck with light wash jeans, paired off with his old black Converse. He was wearing his signature silver chains and rings that complimented his yellow undertone. His brown hair, as always, was a curly mess; like vines intertwining with each other along the bark of a tree. Somehow, it made him look ten times better. I studied his face; clear skin with a well-trimmed beard and a mustache to go along with it. The dimple on the left side of his face that would only show when he smiled motivated me to make him laugh at whatever cost necessary, just to see it appear. His eyes were a chestnut color, with a black ring around the pupil, and right now, they were watery. As if I were the one leaving him. “*(BLEEP)*, I’m sorry-”, he started. “No need.”, I stopped him mid-sentence and forced a smile. “I understand and I value this time we’ve shared together. It was quite the experience.”
I turned around quickly and headed into my apartment. Once inside, I began to think about the last words he had said. My mind stuck looping him telling me it was over, again and again and again. I laughed maniacally, rushing into my room and tearing down all the pictures of us together that I had put up over the course of our relationship. They stared at me in such a mocking manner. His smug face looked at me. JUDGING ME. I know why he was leaving. He was fucking his co-worker. Everyone knew it, but I feigned blindness to it. I didn’t want to lose him. I walked to the kitchen, catching a look at myself in the mirror that hung in my hallway. My curly brown hair was untamed, and my red lipstick had smeared. I looked fucking insane. I smiled. This is what he unleashed. I opened a bottle of Merlot that I had stored in my fridge in hopes of bringing him back to my place. I chugged it down until there was no more and ended up falling asleep on my couch.
A few weeks later, I decided to begin my therapy sessions. I believed that it would help me control the thoughts I had. These scary and sinister thoughts I had about him, about the things I’d do to him.. It was fine. The therapist was an old white woman named Kate who smelled like lavender and wore lots of bracelets with charms that jangled together every time she made sudden hand movements. She was nice though. She would frequently tell me that there were other men out there that deserved me, yet I couldn’t find it in my heart to tell her that they weren’t him. They weren’t the ones I wanted.
“I’m so mature”, I thought to myself while I drove to the pharmacy to pick up my refill of my medication that was prescribed by Kate. After picking up my refill, I headed towards the farmers market to get some groceries I needed to prepare my dinner for tonight. “Mmm, red wine pasta with some wine for me.. Maybe Merlot?”, I said out loud, looking around the produce aisle for the tomatoes, picking up the one that seemed perfect for my concoction of the night.
“*(BLEEP)*?” I froze. I knew that voice. I closed my eyes in hopes of tuning it out, but the strong smell of his cologne engulfed me and I knew I couldn’t escape.
I turned around slowly, tomato in hand. “Hello Bill”, I said. My heart was fluttering, it belonged to him. All those therapy sessions couldn’t erase all the memories we made together, all those moments alone in the dark that we shared. I smiled in hopes of having him return it, which he did. God. That dimple. That fucking dimple. I wanted to kiss him then and there. “How are you?”, I asked him. I know you miss me, asshole. “I’m doing pretty well actually”, he started, “Just working hard. I recently moved into a new house, you know.” I did know. I stalked his social media every night ever since the breakup. “Really? I didn’t know!” I tried my best to put on my most shocked expression. “Yeah, down by Murray.. You’re making your red wine pasta tonight?”, he asked, nodding his head towards the tomato in my hand. My smile grew wider, I knew what to do. “Yes, actually, I am. With some Merlot today.”, I replied slyly. I knew Merlot was his favorite wine. “Ooh girl, you know that’s my favorite.”, he laughed a heavenly laugh, it was music to my ears. “How are you?”, he inquired. I straightened up my posture, pushing my shoulders back to call more attention to my chest. “I’m doing really good actually, much better in all honesty.” I miss you. “Actually, if you’re not too busy working tonight”, I began, moving a step closer towards him, “I’m sure that there will be enough Merlot for tw-.” “Hey babe, I got everything I needed, you ready to go?”
Her.
She was perfect. A literal embodiment of perfection. Honey brown hair that was silky smooth and mid-back length that framed her oval-shaped face perfectly. Her facial structure was like a model, high cheekbones to die for, lips plumped as if they had been stung by bees the perfect amount of times, and wide hazel eyes. She wore a tight fitting mahogany dress paired off with beige wedges and a matching beige cashmere sweater. She had no makeup on, and didn’t need to. She was gorgeous. She looked at me, smiling - EVEN HER SMILE WAS BEAUTIFUL. “I’m Elle, Elle Driver.” She reached out her hand in an AWFUL attempt to shake mine. I looked down at her hand. They were well taken care of; a french manicure with simple rings to compliment it. I looked back up at her. “*(BLEEP)*.”, I replied dryly, “I’ll see you another time, Bill.” He looked at me with wide eyes, then back at Elle, nodding and walking away with her, hand in hand. “She was strange, was that your friend?”, I heard her ask him as they walked away. I glared at them, hoping that somehow beams would shoot out and behead her in the process. As soon as they left, I dropped the grocery basket along with the tomato on the floor, splatting as soon as it made contact with the ground. “Miss! You have to pay for that!”, yelled a worker. Oh, someone was gonna pay alright.
As soon as I got home, I got to work. I sat in my basement and printed out the layout of his house. It was easy to find, as it was just recently put off the market. I looked up his girlfriend and wrote down everything I could find about her. She worked as a cashier at a local retailer. Finding the number on Google business, I frantically searched around for my phone, knocking over my pills in the process. I don’t need them anyways. I’m fine. I called the business, pretending to be the concerned cousin of Elle in order to learn her schedule. She went in at 2 in the afternoon today, and came out at 10 tonight, meaning she wouldn’t be home until 10:45. I thanked the woman on the phone, writing everything down and checking the time on my phone.
6:47pm
My jaw tightened as I stared at my notes. He was at work right now. I knew his schedule by heart. He wouldn’t be home until 9:30 since his job was only a 30 minute drive from his new house.
I got up and got a bag ready, packing some clothes and bare essentials. I quickly changed my clothes into my black leggings and black turtleneck. I quickly slipped on my black sneakers and tied my hair into a low ponytail, throwing a black hoodie on. I sat in the kitchen, eating some of the leftover sandwich I had stored away earlier even though I wasn’t hungry. I closed my eyes and laughed at the thought of seeing them together. He left ME for her. He left me alone. I opened my eyes, glaring ahead. I got up and grabbed the bag, rushing downstairs to my car, unlocking the back door and throwing the bag into the back. I sat in the driver’s seat and gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white. I would rather be in jail than alone.
As I reached his house, I made sure to park my car a block away, deciding to walk the rest of the way. Once I arrived, I looked under the doormat to check for a key. He had a bad habit of leaving a spare there even though I told him that it’d be the first place intruders would check. Call it foreshadowing, I thought to myself. I grabbed the key and unlocked the door, quickly putting the key back as I found it before shutting the door. I made my way around the house, familiarizing myself with the details. I walked to his room, and opened his closet with such eagerness. His familiar scent hit me all at once, and I rushed to press my face against the soft fabric of his shirts. I wanted to drown in his scent, I wanted to breathe it in and never have to exhale. I smiled and let go of his shirts, continuing my walk around the house. The house was beautifully decorated and smelled of cinnamon, and I knew he didn’t have the artistic creativity to do it himself.
Her.
I checked my phone again. It was 9:27pm. I could sense him. Not long after, I heard his car door slam and his footsteps approach the door. I stood in the darkness, my heart beating as if it were running a marathon within me. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, turning around to lock it behind him. I took a step closer, tightening my hold on the knife I had behind my back, catching a whiff of his scent. I smiled.
“Hello Bill.”
He screamed an ear piercing scream, and scrambled to turn on the light. Once he managed to find it, I attacked, jabbing my knife into his lower abdomen, staring into his eyes while I pushed it deeper. “If I can’t have you, no one will.”, I said, smiling maniacally. He looked at me with those beautiful eyes of his, with such sadness. I watched as his body fell to the floor, and I rushed to catch him as he collapsed. I knew the stab wouldn’t kill him automatically of course. He’d have to bleed out, slowly. So he had time to hear me out. “*(BLEEP)*...”, he strained.
“How did it get to this point? How did I get here? Is that what you want to know? I got the sense that you really loved her Bill. I tried to ration with you, giving you time, hoping that you’d realize the mistake you made once you broke it off. Seeing you at the farmers’ market, I had hope for us, baby.” I smiled at him, at the thoughts I had of us together, the happiness we’d share. “But then I saw her. I saw you with her, Bill.”, I looked down at him, and he looked upset, yet so, so weak. I was growing angry at this point. Frustrated that he wouldn’t understand me. “I WENT TO THERAPY BILL. FOR YOU. I’M SO MATURE THAT I WENT TO THERAPY IN HOPES THAT YOU WOULD GET OUT OF MY HEAD. SHE GAVE ME PILLS TO MAKE ME FORGET YOU AND I COULDN’T TAKE THEM ANYMORE. I STOPPED TAKING THEM DAYS AGO.”, I yelled, making him wince. I couldn’t tell if it was from the pain of the stab wound or my anger that frightened him, so I decided to use a softer approach. “I did it all for love, Bill. I did this all on no drugs, I’m sober, Bill. I did this all for love. I love you, Bill. Don’t you know I did this all for us?”, I tried to sympathize. I felt the warmth of the tears flowing out of my eyes and wiped them away quickly, smearing blood on my face in the process. “*(BLEEP)*..”, he started. He couldn’t find the strength to finish it, but I knew he was going to tell me how sorry he was, and how he missed me and he knew he had fucked up in leaving me. I smiled down at him, closing his eyes and kissing him. “I forgive you, Bill.”
I quickly got up and dragged his lifeless body into the living room, having to gather the strength to place him on the couch. I laid him on his side, into a fetal position, and tucked him in with the blanket I found on the loveseat nearby. I kissed his forehead and gently whispered into his ear. “Let me get rid of the pest so that we can be together, my love.” I stood up and rushed to the knife that was still laying on the floor, hearing her keys jingling in the door. “Baby! Are you home? I brought us take-out!”, she said, her back facing me as she locked the door and removed her shoes. I saw as her eyes followed the trail of blood Bill’s body had left behind, finally resting on my smiling face.
“Hello, Elle.”
I threw her body down the basement stairs, deciding to abandon her there and let her body decay as the scum she was. I walked up to the bathroom and quickly showered, washing away all the blood that was on me, humming to ‘Always Forever’ by Cults. Me and Bill were going to be together, always, forever. I hopped out the shower and took my time getting dressed, taking a pick from the exquisite closet of Elle. It would’ve been my dress anyways. Settling on a periwinkle gown with an amazing deep v-cut, I slowly walked downstairs and smiled as I saw Bill sitting at the dining table. He looked amazing, although some of his color was flushing out. Still, he was divine. I sat down and served us both some of the food she had brought. “This tastes quite delicious, doesn’t it Bill?”, I said chewing on the lo mein that was now slightly cold. “Oh! I almost forgot something! Give me a second.” I rushed to my bag that was on the couch and pulled out the Merlot I had packed for us both. Getting two glasses out the cupboard, I poured us each a bit, giving myself more than him. I smiled as I sat down and grabbed my cup, raising it into the air. “A toast, to us.” I looked at him and smiled as I took a sip. After I finished putting the dishes into the sink, I put on some classical music, and dimmed all the lights in the living room. I smirked at Bill and slowly made my way towards him. “Let’s dance, Bill. Like old times.” I extended my hand out to him, and when he was acting shy, I rolled my eyes and grabbed him. Although he was heavy at first, I didn’t mind. I loved it.
“I thought I had lost you forever, Bill. You left me all alone”, I said, tears forming in my eyes as I swayed us back and forth. “I’d rather be in hell than all alone.”, I stated, my voice stern and strict. I closed my eyes and swayed to Frédéric Chopin’s Nocturne No. 20. I envisioned us together, the life we had lived together, the memories we made. I smiled, and through my closed eyes, I could see the red and blue flashing lights.
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